here's to you t swift

My ears are ringing.

Excitement is still running through my body.

Songs are stuck in my head, and I don't mind one bit.

My hands are smudged with Sharpie; a "13" still visible.

Scenes from the night reply in my mind - each one more captivating than the last.

Even though tomorrow will come too soon, and it's back to reality, tonight will still be playing in the back of my mind - the night where I could escape for a minute and be taken on a journey to somewhere unbelievable. Where I could forget about my worries and just be in the moment. Where I could just be me, a me that I've forgotten was there.

Thank you, Taylor Swift, for giving me that tonight - I will never forget it.

rough day...

But cookies, beer and my kitty fix anything.

thankful

Today was a such a good day. It made me realize that I have a lot of things to be thankful for. Here's a few:

1. Warm weather. I know it's been about a million degrees lately, but I love it. I like being able to throw on a bathing suit or shorts and a tank top and hang around outside. I adore the summer.

2. My boyfriend. I know I blog a lot about how amazing he is, but I really am so thankful that we are together and happy. I'm thankful for his patience with me and the way he makes me feel when I'm around him (good days and bad). He's truly been there for me in every step of this crazy journey I'm on and I'm so thankful he still loves me.

3. Having a job I love. I enjoy going to work. I feel accomplished at the end of the day (well...most days). The people I work with are great and we've become friends, not just co-workers. I have become really attached to the company and the people, and I'm so, so thankful for that.

4. Friends. The kind where you can just hang around and do nothing but still have a good time. The kind where you always have something to talk about, whether I've seen them the day before or a month before.

5. Virginia Tech. As much as I don't want to leave my job, I am really excited that I have one more year at Tech. I miss the people, the places and the classes. I'm thankful that I get to go back to school in a month and avoid the real world just a little bit longer.

my aha moment

I love when things are connected; when you learn about one thing then you find another thing that may seem opposite but really relates perfectly. It's that "aha" moment when everything sort of falls into place and makes perfect sense. This is one of those stories.

I went to church for the first time in way too long last Sunday. I'm sitting there, already overwhelmed by the worship we just had, listening to a sermon about legalism versus freedom; following the rules because you have to versus following the rules because you truly want to. Following the rules (e.g., going to church every Sunday, joining a small group, doing community service) are great things but feeling a true passion for them is necessary; a passion that comes from being fulfilled with Christ. We need to experience freedom from the grace of God, knowing that no matter what we do, He will always accept us. Only then will those other "rules" fall into a place where they can be fruitful, not just for yourself but others.

This hit me hard. I have a deep, unwavering love for Christ but I don't always follow those rules as much as I know I should. (I know I should - there's the legalism coming out.) I felt relieved, but also worried that I wasn't giving back to God what He was giving me.

That next Monday I went to a yoga class. As we were beginning our practice, our instructor was leading a meditation. She was talking about intentions for our practice and how yoga is about learning to "combine effort with ease."

Effort with ease.

That's when it clicked; it was so simple. You work hard at something but, because you are so in love with it, it becomes easy. It won't always be simple and painless but you can stick through those times because the ends justify the means. If you love something, all the effort becomes worth it.

All I need to do is combine effort with ease. Slow down and truly enjoy what I'm doing. Take time to figure out why I'm doing it. I need to learn how to be passionate about Christ again and how to show that passion through my actions. I don't need to be guilty about not following the rules; I need to find a way to make the rules fit my relationship with Christ.

I feel renewed. I feel passionate about so many new things now. I feel ready to move forward. Don't you just love aha moments?

long weekend

It's 8:06am on a Saturday morning. I am fully awake, although I wish that my body would have let me sleep in more. I am still nestled in my bed; warm sheets tossed around me. The sun is beaming in my bedroom, calling me to go outside.

It's a long weekend. And I feel like my body and soul are craving it. I am constantly going so this weekend my goal is to stop.

Stop worrying about the littlest things. Stop running around. Stop working.

This long weekend is about rest for me. A time when I can just slow down and relax. I'm going to take the time to do things that I've been wanting to do for a long time; reading by the pool, going to a two hour yoga class on Monday morning, crafting.

It's now 8:20am, time to get up. A beautiful summer day is waiting for me and I plan on enjoying every second of it.

Happy long weekend.

you know you're grown up when...

Lately, I've been feeling grown up. Here's why:

- I work 40 hours a week, usually 8:30am - 5:30pm. It gives me a sense of purpose; I like being diligent at work knowing that I am contributing to a real company for real people. But, it's also tough and exhausting.

- My dad suggested (when I write suggested, I really mean he gave me the form and said "fill this out") that I get my own credit card. Responsible adults need to have good credit apparently.

- I have money. Now, it's my full responsibility to pay for the things I "need." I now have many second thoughts about purchasing items, like that pair of shoes I have to have. This is usually just proceeded with me handing over my card at the register thinking, "maybe I shouldn't have done this."

- Getting a drink at dinner is fun. Fully enjoying happy hour at work is also very fun.

- 10:00pm is my bed time. Well, not really, but it's the time I really want to go to sleep.

- Everyone keeps asking me if working at AOL is something I would consider after college. Wait...what? I think in the back of my mind, I always saw myself going to grad school right after college. That's just what you do, right? I don't think I ever fully considered going right into the work force. Subconsciously, grad school was what I going to do. Now, I am realizing that I am starting to reconsider that. And, you know what, this realization isn't as scary as I thought it would be. Maybe I'm meant to be a working woman.

For now, I'm just going to enjoy my time as an intern, knowing that I am going back to school in a few short weeks. I'm need to save all this adult-ness until I've graduated. I still need time to be without that many responsibilities, to be careless and silly, to have minimal stress and worry. I need time to be a kid.

worth the wait

It's been almost a month since I've blogged. To be honest, I haven't really had much to blog about. My life has been pretty constant -- work, sleep and more work; not much that is blog worthy. There has really only been one thing on my mind lately, and it's a doozy. So, for my first blog post in almost a month I am going to tackle the big topic of s-e-x. Yep, you definitely heard me right.

Before I begin, there's a couple things you should know about me: I am 21, I am in a committed relationship of two years and I'm a virgin. That's right, a virgin.

Up until this point, having sex before marriage had never been an option. It's something I never even considered in high school. After being extremely pressured by my first real boyfriend, my opinion on this topic was strong.  From my 16-year-old point of view, I was too young and sex was supposed to be special and meaningful, shared with the person you were meant to be with (mature, huh?). And I thought that belief was unwavering.

Though my 21-year-old point of view still agrees, I have found that even the strongest opinions face challenges.

From my experience, in high school no one really talked about having sex - if you were doing it, if you weren't, you didn't really say. College, on the other hand, is completely different. People are more open about their opinions and experiences, especially with the influence of alcohol. Sex becomes part of conversation; people hook up at parties, "Never Have I Ever" exposes the truth about your friends or gossip spreads through groups. College is a time for freedom and new experiences...well, for some people.

Over the past couple of months, I started finding out that a lot of my friends were having sex. The real shocker is that I, even after being in a relationship for two years, was not. People were seriously floored when I told them that. They would tell me about their experiences and how great it is and how they couldn't survive without it. I began thinking am I doing something wrong?

And I began questioning my belief. What if I wait until marriage and my wedding night is terrible because I've never had sex? Is this really what I want? Is having sex really that big of deal?

But sex is a big deal; it's a huge deal. It's giving over your emotions, your love and your body over to another person. That, to me, is scary. Giving someone your whole being is terrifying. But, when you marry someone, you are committed to them in a way that is unlike an other and that makes all that fear go away; you know that this is the one person you are allowed to give yourself to in a way that is unlike any other.

In our society today, sex is just another part of every day life. And it's everywhere - music, movies, books. Sex is so relevant in society today that I think it has lost its significance and meaning. No longer is it about uniting a couple or making love; it's about peer pressure and feeling "good."

And I don't want to be any part of that. I love my boyfriend with everything I have and we have been dating for a long time but I want to save sex until I know that the person I am giving my body and soul to will give me theirs in return. I want to wait until I know that I will be loved and taken care of by one person for the rest of my life. I want to wait until the time is right and I can make love with my husband, knowing that it is something that only he and I will share for the rest of our lives. I want sex to be special again.

"The idea of waiting for something makes it more exiting."

- Andy Warhol