waiting

I've been doing a lot of waiting this summer.

Waiting for employers to get back to me. Waiting for my next trip. Waiting to see what my future will turn out to be.

I am not a patient person and I like to have everything figured out, so this waiting game has really been tough. There have been a lot of qualities about myself that are being put to the test: my inability to go with the flow sometimes, the way I handle and respond to certain situations. And, in the midst of it all, I feel like I am beginning to learn a lot about humility, confidence, and patience.

Lately, I have felt really exhausted by all of it. I am trying really hard to convince myself that I am excited but I just feel scared. At this point, I feel like even though things getting figured out, I still feel like I don't know anything. And that just makes me scared, and nervous, and crazy.

In the end, I know everything will work out and I will have learned from this experience and blah blah blah. But, right now, I feel like a crazy person and I don't like that.