thoughts on a rainy morning

I'm sitting in my dining room at home drinking coffee and munching on a blueberry bagel; a slow start to the day but a relaxing one, just what I need. It's an overcast day; the sky looks ready to begin pouring out rain any minute now. Everyone in the house is off doing things and I'm here by myself, not minding the quiet.

It's spring break for me this week - crazy to think that this semester is pretty much half way over. It's even crazier to think that this time next year I'll be getting ready to graduate. That still seems like such a surreal thing to think about. And I can't help but think, am I ready for that?

Graduating scares me. The real world terrifies me. I love Tech and my family of friends I have there and the security that college has made for me. I don't want to leave that.

I feel like I have been bombarded with real world situations lately; some of my good friends are graduating this year, I'm frantically trying to find an internship for this summer, I know so many people (probably too many) who are planning weddings, I'm thinking about grad school in other states. There's so much to think about that sometimes it's just too much. I know that I probably shouldn't be too worried about all of this stuff now, but sometimes it's hard to try to put all of these thoughts and upcoming decisions behind. I'm constantly faced with all of these situations and it's scary.

Don't get me wrong, I am excited about the future - I know that God has great and wonderful plans for me but trying to figure out what those plans are exactly is the hard part. Sometimes I feel like everyone has it all figured out and I'm the only one still unsure of everything. I love being an English major and I knew that it would make it harder to find a job after college but I didn't think it would make me reconsider my decision to change my major in the first place. I know that I am good at being a student but what if I'm not good at having a real job? What if I can't find a job? What if I can't get into grad school if I decide to take that path?

As I lounge around on this rainy day, I am going to work on trusting. Trusting that everything will turn out exactly the way it's supposed to, even if I am full of doubt.