homecoming

Yesterday my cousin came home from his third tour in Iraq. I am so happy to be able to write that.

There were of dozens people huddled around a room holding signs and balloons for their loved ones, anxiously awaiting the arrival of the cars that held the best Christmas present anyone could wish for.

I clapped as the crowd erupted when the soldiers began to file into the room.

Families anxiously waiting while the soldiers were debriefed. I never knew ten minutes could feel so long.

I watched as husbands and wives embraced after months of being apart. I watched mothers and fathers greet their sons and daughters, each crying tears of joy. I watched a dad meet his one-month old daughter for the first time.

Then, I saw my cousin run up to his wife and give her a hug for the first time in eight months. I watched as he picked her up and tears filled his eyes.

And, in that moment I realized that nothing else in the world mattered. They had each other and that was more than enough.

The world may be a dark place but that room was glowing with love. We all need more moments like this.

greek yogurt and fear

It's 6:40 p.m. on a Friday night. I'm sitting on my bed listening to sappy music and eating Greek yogurt for kids, honey-nana to be exact.

Lately I've been feeling so full of fear. And that fear is starting to make me insecure about so many things.

I am so deeply afraid of the future, of the unknown. In a couple of months my life is going to change dramatically, but I have no idea what those changes will be. And that fills me with "what if's".

What if I don't find a job?

What if Matt and I don't end up near each other?

What if I don't meet my goals for graduation?

What if I let down people because I don't meet their expectations?

What if I let down myself?

There is just so much I don't know. I am trying to so hard to have faith and believe that everything will turn out the way it is supposed to, but what if that's not what I was expecting?

...See? There I go with the "what if's" again.

I know I need to trust. Who knew that such a simple word would be so hard to follow?

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" - Jeremiah 29:11

follow your heart

The other weekend Matt and I went hiking with his parents. I had never been to the trail before. It was beautiful; a great escape from the overwhelming reality at school.

As we were driving home, I had no idea where we were. I didn't know how to get home on my own.

It didn't occur to me just how lost I was until a couple of days ago when I was thinking back on our trip: a whole half an hour drive and I had absolutely no clue where I was going. No clue.

I just trusted.

I sat back and went along for ride. I trusted that Matt knew where we were going and that he would take care of me.

What a liberating feeling, having such complete trust in someone so much that you are able to let down your guard and let that person carry you.

It's such a simple thing, yet it's so hard for me to do. I am used to taking care of myself and being strong for everyone else. But, in that moment, I saw how easy, not scary or worrisome, it was to let someone else take care of me. I saw that someone else can help guide my path and know what is best for me, for us. I saw that trusting is good, as long as I am willing to forget my fears.

It's okay, it's all going to be okay. Because I trust.

friendly

Lately, I have felt really thankful for some very special people in my life. 

Senior year is busy and scary and tough, but these people help me temporarily forget about how stressed or worried I am. These are the people who I can have a serious, intimate talk with one minute then joke around with the next. These are the people who are helping create my senior year, not just have a role in. 

It's the friend who...

brings me a pumpkin spice latte just because, or

makes everyone pancakes at midnight when we are having a study party, or

goes to dinner with me spur of the moment, or

plans trips to different places for concerts or visiting, or

texts me just to say that they missed me.

It's the friends that I can count on to be there for me, good times or bad. They will always take care of me and look out for my best interests. These friends will love me no matter what. 

And I am so thankful for those people. It's because they love me and give so much of themselves to me that I am able to love them back even more. Because of them I am a better person.

These are the people who will stay with me once senior year has flown by and when Virginia Tech becomes just a memory. These people will last beyond my short four years here, which makes leaving here not as scary because they will be going with me.

good morning

I love mornings. I love getting up with the sun and starting the day early. I love having time to enjoy my cup of coffee. I love taking my time and starting the day off relaxed.

There's a peacefulness about mornings; when no one is awake yet, there's a crisp chill in the air, the world is calm. There's no rushing or noise, just a calm breeze and a steady silence. It's beautiful.

thoughts on the first day of senior year

"I'm a senior in college...what?! When did that happen?"

"How many days until football season? 13. Okay, that makes school much more bearable."

"Stress and I are going to become way too close this year."

"I have to start looking for real life jobs. What does that even mean??"

"No classes on Friday. Best decision ever."

"Which dining hall will I eat at first...too many delicious options!"

"My only class today is at 9:30am. I am not going to be happy if I go all the way to campus for a 15 minute introduction class."

"Now that I have a smart phone, how much of my attention will I give in class? This could be bad..."

"How long can I go without thinking about graduating and leaving this wonderful, beautiful place?"

my inner peace

I love yoga. After a long day, the best place for me to be is on my mat. There, I am me. I'm not bogged down by what happened that day or what's bothering or upsetting me. My mind is clear and quiet. While I move through the poses, I am only thinking in the moment. There is nothing to worry or stress about. It is just pure calmness. And it's beautiful.

Find that place where you can find peace. Even if you can only experience it for a tiny bit of the day, having that moment of peace makes everything so much easier. Everyone needs time for calm.

take note

"With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts."

- Eleanor Roosevelt

here's to you t swift

My ears are ringing.

Excitement is still running through my body.

Songs are stuck in my head, and I don't mind one bit.

My hands are smudged with Sharpie; a "13" still visible.

Scenes from the night reply in my mind - each one more captivating than the last.

Even though tomorrow will come too soon, and it's back to reality, tonight will still be playing in the back of my mind - the night where I could escape for a minute and be taken on a journey to somewhere unbelievable. Where I could forget about my worries and just be in the moment. Where I could just be me, a me that I've forgotten was there.

Thank you, Taylor Swift, for giving me that tonight - I will never forget it.

rough day...

But cookies, beer and my kitty fix anything.

thankful

Today was a such a good day. It made me realize that I have a lot of things to be thankful for. Here's a few:

1. Warm weather. I know it's been about a million degrees lately, but I love it. I like being able to throw on a bathing suit or shorts and a tank top and hang around outside. I adore the summer.

2. My boyfriend. I know I blog a lot about how amazing he is, but I really am so thankful that we are together and happy. I'm thankful for his patience with me and the way he makes me feel when I'm around him (good days and bad). He's truly been there for me in every step of this crazy journey I'm on and I'm so thankful he still loves me.

3. Having a job I love. I enjoy going to work. I feel accomplished at the end of the day (well...most days). The people I work with are great and we've become friends, not just co-workers. I have become really attached to the company and the people, and I'm so, so thankful for that.

4. Friends. The kind where you can just hang around and do nothing but still have a good time. The kind where you always have something to talk about, whether I've seen them the day before or a month before.

5. Virginia Tech. As much as I don't want to leave my job, I am really excited that I have one more year at Tech. I miss the people, the places and the classes. I'm thankful that I get to go back to school in a month and avoid the real world just a little bit longer.

my aha moment

I love when things are connected; when you learn about one thing then you find another thing that may seem opposite but really relates perfectly. It's that "aha" moment when everything sort of falls into place and makes perfect sense. This is one of those stories.

I went to church for the first time in way too long last Sunday. I'm sitting there, already overwhelmed by the worship we just had, listening to a sermon about legalism versus freedom; following the rules because you have to versus following the rules because you truly want to. Following the rules (e.g., going to church every Sunday, joining a small group, doing community service) are great things but feeling a true passion for them is necessary; a passion that comes from being fulfilled with Christ. We need to experience freedom from the grace of God, knowing that no matter what we do, He will always accept us. Only then will those other "rules" fall into a place where they can be fruitful, not just for yourself but others.

This hit me hard. I have a deep, unwavering love for Christ but I don't always follow those rules as much as I know I should. (I know I should - there's the legalism coming out.) I felt relieved, but also worried that I wasn't giving back to God what He was giving me.

That next Monday I went to a yoga class. As we were beginning our practice, our instructor was leading a meditation. She was talking about intentions for our practice and how yoga is about learning to "combine effort with ease."

Effort with ease.

That's when it clicked; it was so simple. You work hard at something but, because you are so in love with it, it becomes easy. It won't always be simple and painless but you can stick through those times because the ends justify the means. If you love something, all the effort becomes worth it.

All I need to do is combine effort with ease. Slow down and truly enjoy what I'm doing. Take time to figure out why I'm doing it. I need to learn how to be passionate about Christ again and how to show that passion through my actions. I don't need to be guilty about not following the rules; I need to find a way to make the rules fit my relationship with Christ.

I feel renewed. I feel passionate about so many new things now. I feel ready to move forward. Don't you just love aha moments?

long weekend

It's 8:06am on a Saturday morning. I am fully awake, although I wish that my body would have let me sleep in more. I am still nestled in my bed; warm sheets tossed around me. The sun is beaming in my bedroom, calling me to go outside.

It's a long weekend. And I feel like my body and soul are craving it. I am constantly going so this weekend my goal is to stop.

Stop worrying about the littlest things. Stop running around. Stop working.

This long weekend is about rest for me. A time when I can just slow down and relax. I'm going to take the time to do things that I've been wanting to do for a long time; reading by the pool, going to a two hour yoga class on Monday morning, crafting.

It's now 8:20am, time to get up. A beautiful summer day is waiting for me and I plan on enjoying every second of it.

Happy long weekend.

you know you're grown up when...

Lately, I've been feeling grown up. Here's why:

- I work 40 hours a week, usually 8:30am - 5:30pm. It gives me a sense of purpose; I like being diligent at work knowing that I am contributing to a real company for real people. But, it's also tough and exhausting.

- My dad suggested (when I write suggested, I really mean he gave me the form and said "fill this out") that I get my own credit card. Responsible adults need to have good credit apparently.

- I have money. Now, it's my full responsibility to pay for the things I "need." I now have many second thoughts about purchasing items, like that pair of shoes I have to have. This is usually just proceeded with me handing over my card at the register thinking, "maybe I shouldn't have done this."

- Getting a drink at dinner is fun. Fully enjoying happy hour at work is also very fun.

- 10:00pm is my bed time. Well, not really, but it's the time I really want to go to sleep.

- Everyone keeps asking me if working at AOL is something I would consider after college. Wait...what? I think in the back of my mind, I always saw myself going to grad school right after college. That's just what you do, right? I don't think I ever fully considered going right into the work force. Subconsciously, grad school was what I going to do. Now, I am realizing that I am starting to reconsider that. And, you know what, this realization isn't as scary as I thought it would be. Maybe I'm meant to be a working woman.

For now, I'm just going to enjoy my time as an intern, knowing that I am going back to school in a few short weeks. I'm need to save all this adult-ness until I've graduated. I still need time to be without that many responsibilities, to be careless and silly, to have minimal stress and worry. I need time to be a kid.

worth the wait

It's been almost a month since I've blogged. To be honest, I haven't really had much to blog about. My life has been pretty constant -- work, sleep and more work; not much that is blog worthy. There has really only been one thing on my mind lately, and it's a doozy. So, for my first blog post in almost a month I am going to tackle the big topic of s-e-x. Yep, you definitely heard me right.

Before I begin, there's a couple things you should know about me: I am 21, I am in a committed relationship of two years and I'm a virgin. That's right, a virgin.

Up until this point, having sex before marriage had never been an option. It's something I never even considered in high school. After being extremely pressured by my first real boyfriend, my opinion on this topic was strong.  From my 16-year-old point of view, I was too young and sex was supposed to be special and meaningful, shared with the person you were meant to be with (mature, huh?). And I thought that belief was unwavering.

Though my 21-year-old point of view still agrees, I have found that even the strongest opinions face challenges.

From my experience, in high school no one really talked about having sex - if you were doing it, if you weren't, you didn't really say. College, on the other hand, is completely different. People are more open about their opinions and experiences, especially with the influence of alcohol. Sex becomes part of conversation; people hook up at parties, "Never Have I Ever" exposes the truth about your friends or gossip spreads through groups. College is a time for freedom and new experiences...well, for some people.

Over the past couple of months, I started finding out that a lot of my friends were having sex. The real shocker is that I, even after being in a relationship for two years, was not. People were seriously floored when I told them that. They would tell me about their experiences and how great it is and how they couldn't survive without it. I began thinking am I doing something wrong?

And I began questioning my belief. What if I wait until marriage and my wedding night is terrible because I've never had sex? Is this really what I want? Is having sex really that big of deal?

But sex is a big deal; it's a huge deal. It's giving over your emotions, your love and your body over to another person. That, to me, is scary. Giving someone your whole being is terrifying. But, when you marry someone, you are committed to them in a way that is unlike an other and that makes all that fear go away; you know that this is the one person you are allowed to give yourself to in a way that is unlike any other.

In our society today, sex is just another part of every day life. And it's everywhere - music, movies, books. Sex is so relevant in society today that I think it has lost its significance and meaning. No longer is it about uniting a couple or making love; it's about peer pressure and feeling "good."

And I don't want to be any part of that. I love my boyfriend with everything I have and we have been dating for a long time but I want to save sex until I know that the person I am giving my body and soul to will give me theirs in return. I want to wait until I know that I will be loved and taken care of by one person for the rest of my life. I want to wait until the time is right and I can make love with my husband, knowing that it is something that only he and I will share for the rest of our lives. I want sex to be special again.

"The idea of waiting for something makes it more exiting."

- Andy Warhol

my first day

Today was my first day as a technical writing intern at AOL. Even though the building is huge (I pretty much only know the way from my cubicle to the bathroom) and I met so many people yet I don't remember anyones name, I love it. I'm actually excited to have a "big girl" job.

Here are a few of my favorite things about today:

- My cubicle. I have my own space with my own phone and my own computer and laptop. It makes me feel so grown up. I seriously never thought I would be so excited to sit in a cubicle, but it makes me feel like I am a contributing member of the company and I like that a lot.

- My badge. It is green with a paint splotch AOL logo. It makes me feel official. I was warned to remember to take it with me everywhere so I don't get locked in the stairwells. Note taken.

- Free stuff. (What a college kid statement, huh?) Today I got a free bag, water bottle, notebook, pens and an umbrella. I am officially branded by AOL.

- The people. Everyone is so incredibly nice and helpful. Everyone was willing to take time out of their day to introduce themselves and they really made me feel welcome. I am so excited to get to know them more each day so I can become part of the group too.

- Being at a company where people love what they do. Each person is passionate about their job and about the company. That's the kind of place I want to work. I love what I do. I want to be at a company that will foster that and help it grow. Being around people that eager and ready to work only makes me more excited.

I can't wait to go back tomorrow. I'm so excited to meet more people and get to know each person more (and hopefully learn everyone's names...fingers crossed!). I'm ready to dive into the projects and get to work. And, hopefully, it will be a great summer.

summer reading

1. Water for Elephants, Sara Gruen. Technically, this shouldn't be on the list anymore because I just finished reading it but when I intended to make this list I hadn't read it yet. Plus, I've already read it once before. I have a problem. It was absolutely amazing and I highly recommend it to anyone.

2. 1984, George Orwell. I started this one already so my one goal is to finally finish it!

3. Sing You Home OR Second Glance, Jodi Picoult. One or the other, maybe both if I have time. Jodi Picoult is my favorite author; I have read almost all of her books (there are a lot of them) and I love every single one of them.

4. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Stieg Larsson. I am the very last person to start this series.

5. The Things They Carried, Tim O'Brien. Reading great literature in high school is pointless so I'm re-reading this one so I can truly appreciate it.

home

I am home for the summer now. It's so nice to be able to relax and calm down from the last few hectic weeks of the semester. And I am really happy to finally have some more time to do things that I enjoy -- reading (no textbooks!), crafting, shopping, hanging out by the pool (e.g. my essentials of a good summer) -- but I am beginning to already miss my Blacksburg life.

I miss the bustling around and there never being a dull moment at the Nest.

I miss the lunches, the coffee dates, the dinners when we actually have time to cook.

I miss learning (ugh, I am a dork...).

But, most of all, I miss the people.

I know that this summer holds some exciting things, and, don't get me wrong, I am really looking forward to every second. Maybe my outlook on the summer will change once I start my internship; I hope it does. I don't like sitting here wishing I was somewhere else, I want to truly be wherever I am and enjoy everything that one place has to offer.

So, here's to a successful, fun and exciting summer at home. I promise to live in the moment and make every second count.

my job

I got the job. It seriously feels so great to be able to say that; to have the relief of knowing that this summer I will have a purpose and be able to contribute my hard work to a company.

This summer I will be interning with the technical writing department at AOL. I cannot wait. I want to dive into the projects, connect with more people at AOL, and build relationships with the writing team. I want to work.

The best part about getting this job is just knowing that all of the stress and hard work and hours of applying and interviewing actually paid off. My constant worrying is over now; someone wants me to work for their company.

And it's such nice feeling to be wanted like that. I have met countless people who thought me being an English major was just to get my Mrs. degree, that I wasn't going to be able to do anything with my major. Ever since having to defend my decision to so many people, I have been on a personal mission to prove all of them wrong. Today, as of 8:45 a.m., I can officially say that I did just that.

I am relieved...satisfied...happy...but most of all proud. I am proud of myself for the tireless effort I put forth into finding and securing an internship. I am proud of how hard I've worked in school to set myself apart from other applicants. I am proud that I never gave up.

I love what I do. I love the person that I have become from being an English major. And I am so excited to get to fuel my passion and learn even more this summer at my big girl job.

beautiful wedding weekend

sister love

the gorgeous ceremony location

my wonderful date

my little family

at the reception located in the pier house above the water

playing football on the beach

this picture only took 25 tries...worth it

i love this boy...

love

I went to my cousin's wedding in the Outer Banks this past weekend. It was the first wedding in my family and we were all so excited. I had so much fun dancing and hanging out with my family. More importantly,  I learned a lot about love and what that really means when you are promising it to one person for the rest of your life.

Love is not selfish in any way. It requires a relationship that is dependent on selfless and unconditional love from both sides.

Love grows. A friend of my cousin gave a toast and he said that every night before he goes to bed he rates that day from 1 to 10; he said he's had ones but he's had tens and my cousin has been present for both. He went on to say that today, on their wedding day, he hopes that this day rates low compared to the rest of their days together. He hopes that today is the day they loved each other the least. And with each day, they love each other more.

Love doesn't know jealousy or hatred. Instead, love focuses on seeing the best in the other person, loving each other despite faults and trusting that your love can work through anything.

Love is hopeful. It's hoping that the love you share with that one person can transcend anything; that no matter what, that person will be standing by your side through anything. No one knows what will happen in the future but that's why we hope for the best and trust that everything will turn out right.

Love is strong. My cousin is shipping out for his third tour in Iraq in July; three months after they get married. They got married anyway, despite what other people said.

Every one of us on this earth is searching for love and what that little four letter word truly means. The ability to love someone is the greatest thing about everyone; it brings out the best in each one of us and exposes us to the raw, deep, intimate parts of our being. It can seem so complicated, yet so simple. If you can find someone who loves you just like you love them, then you have something so special. You have been a part of a little miracle. That is something so rare; hold on to it.

fear

I am a firm believer that you should never let fear hold you back from doing anything. When I was in scouts, we would do crazy things (repelling, scuba diving, white water rafting, you name it) but I never let my fear get in the way of doing those things. For me, the experience always outweighed the fearfulness I felt before.

But fear is more than that nervous/anxious feeling though; it has so many faces:

It's giving a speech in front of your class when you don't like being the center of attention.

It's embarking on a new stage in your life.

It's being home alone during a thunderstorm and obsessing over a scary movie.

It's hearing horrible news about someone you love and knowing there is nothing you can do to help.

I am fearful. I may put on a brave face but inside I am being eaten away by fear. I always think, why do I let my fear overcome me like this? I feel so helpless in that moment but then I realize: I have the strength to get through this. I can't be brave all the time but I have the perseverance to keep fighting.

Sometimes I need to be reminded that I am stronger than I think I am, that I will make it through whatever fear I am battling. I can, we can, you can get through this.

wonderland

"In that direction," the Cat said, waving its right paw round, "lives a Hatter: and in that direction," waving the other paw, "lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad."

"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.

"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."

"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.

"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."

- Lewis Carroll, Alice In Wonderland

tradition

I got my class ring last Tuesday. At Tech, rings are a huge tradition so this is a pretty big deal, especially in my family. Both my parents are Tech alum. My grandfather, also an alum, still wears his class ring every day. So, needless to say, I am pretty excited about getting my own and carrying on the tradition. In true old-fashioned style, I am also not wearing my ring until the dance on Saturday (this is SO hard to do when it just looks so pretty in the box). 

When I was thinking about getting a ring, my dad's response was "Why wouldn't you get one? Tech has been such a major part of your life." It's true. I absolutely love everything about my school - the friends I have here (aka my other family), the organizations I'm in, my major, the school spirit, football. I have grown and changed more than I could have ever anticipated in a few short years here. I have succeed in ways I never thought were possible. My ring is a symbol of those accomplishments. It's a reminder of how much I've been through at Tech. It's a thread that keeps me tied to this university. It's a physical thing that I will carry with me wherever life will take me. No matter where I am, my Virginia Tech will always be there as a constant reminder on my ring finger.

say cheese

I'm taking a photography class this semester and I am so in love with it. I thought I would share some of my favorite photos I've taken so far!

thoughts on a rainy morning

I'm sitting in my dining room at home drinking coffee and munching on a blueberry bagel; a slow start to the day but a relaxing one, just what I need. It's an overcast day; the sky looks ready to begin pouring out rain any minute now. Everyone in the house is off doing things and I'm here by myself, not minding the quiet.

It's spring break for me this week - crazy to think that this semester is pretty much half way over. It's even crazier to think that this time next year I'll be getting ready to graduate. That still seems like such a surreal thing to think about. And I can't help but think, am I ready for that?

Graduating scares me. The real world terrifies me. I love Tech and my family of friends I have there and the security that college has made for me. I don't want to leave that.

I feel like I have been bombarded with real world situations lately; some of my good friends are graduating this year, I'm frantically trying to find an internship for this summer, I know so many people (probably too many) who are planning weddings, I'm thinking about grad school in other states. There's so much to think about that sometimes it's just too much. I know that I probably shouldn't be too worried about all of this stuff now, but sometimes it's hard to try to put all of these thoughts and upcoming decisions behind. I'm constantly faced with all of these situations and it's scary.

Don't get me wrong, I am excited about the future - I know that God has great and wonderful plans for me but trying to figure out what those plans are exactly is the hard part. Sometimes I feel like everyone has it all figured out and I'm the only one still unsure of everything. I love being an English major and I knew that it would make it harder to find a job after college but I didn't think it would make me reconsider my decision to change my major in the first place. I know that I am good at being a student but what if I'm not good at having a real job? What if I can't find a job? What if I can't get into grad school if I decide to take that path?

As I lounge around on this rainy day, I am going to work on trusting. Trusting that everything will turn out exactly the way it's supposed to, even if I am full of doubt.

the view from here

Today is beautiful.
The sun is shining.
I laughed more today and did not worry.
I could walk outside without a jacket and wear my favorite flats.
I could drink my first passion iced tea lemonade of the season.
I could read outside on our little porch at the nest.

Today makes me excited for spring and for many more beautiful days.

stuff

I've been stuck on this issue lately: this issue of more versus better. As a society we are so stuck on having more and more stuff, but does all that stuff make us better people?

I am so guilty of constantly wanting more things - a new pair of shoes, the spring lines at Anthropologie and Urban Outfitters, books, the latest and largest television...the list could go on and on. Does constantly wanting and then filling my life with all of that stuff truly make me happy? Is that what I consider most important in my life?

Think about it: Consider all the time you spend watching television (online counts too!) or all the time you spend on facebook or twitter. Now think about how if you stopped watching TV or stalking people on facebook, you would have a lot more time in your day. All of that time you spend plugged in to electronics, you could now spend connecting with people you love or doing constructive things that you love. Instead of finding your reality in a television show, you can live your own reality.

Wanting all of this stuff doesn't fill our lives; having the latest gadgets and clothes won't make you happy, constantly wanting more and more doesn't make you a better person. I am guilty of it, we all are. We are constantly wasting all of our time, energy and money on filling our lives with things we think are going to make us happy when really there are just a few simple things in life that really matter. My things are: my family and friends, reading, coffee, card games and nature. Why would I want to sacrifice my relationship and happiness with those things for other possessions that will only satisfy me for a little while?

We need to realize the important things in life and cherish them. Don't take those things for granted by being blinded by constantly wanting more in your life. More sometimes isn't better. Sometimes all you really need are people you love, a good cup of coffee and card games. That is what makes memories. That is what lasts. That is what is important. Find your things and love them. Stop wishing for what you don't have and cherish what you do have.

hello world

"Life moves pretty fast; if you don't stop and look around, 

you might miss it."

- Ferris Bueller

I think we all need to be reminded of these lovely words from the fabulous Ferris Bueller. Sometimes we are so caught up in what we are doing that we forget to just live our life. So my challenge for you today (this week or this month or even this year) is to remember to take some time for just you. Leave moments to laugh, to relax, to do something you love with someone you love. Life does move fast, you don't want to miss out on the greatest things it has to offer.

unveiling

Today Anthropologie launched their wedding line BHLDN (pronounced Beholden, based off the Dutch word "to keep"). I am so in love with it - I absolutely adore this new line. They take the uniqueness of Anthropologie and blend it with the tradition that lies within weddings. Their website says, "we think a moment should be as layered and dimensional as the woman standing within it." I'm hooked.


I fell head over heels for this.

I want to pair it with this.

And buy these to match.

Can't forget these.

Also, if you go to their website and view the gowns, you can watch a video of the model in the dress moving around to feature it. My nostalgic romanticism could barely handle it. So, in the words of BHLDN: be you, be loved.

happy love day

Today is Valentine's Day. And, despite all of the millions of people who are too cool for it, I love Valentine's Day. I'm a hopeless romantic - one in a million I guess - and I adore this day. I love love.

On this Valentine's Day, the 14 of February 2011, I am beyond happy. My hopeless romantic, English major love poem thoughts have taken over my whole brain and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it. Why am I in such a lovey dovey mood? Listen:

- It is a BEAUTIFUL day in Blacksburg: 57 degrees in the middle of February (what?!). Good weather always makes me feel better no matter what.

- I have been listening to Passion Pit all day.

- The two books I ordered from Borders came today. Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen and Committed: A Love Story by Elizabeth Gilbert.

- My dad is in town! And he is taking me to Macados for dinner tonight.

- Matt surprised me on Saturday with a Valentine's date. He didn't tell me what we were doing so I got all dressed up - and I was so anxious even though we've been dating for so long. He picked me up, flowers in hand, and drove me back to his place where he had cooked me dinner. Cranberry chicken, broccoli, and cous cous then brownies for dessert, my favorites. No one has ever done that for me before; it was so sweet.

- He also got me a gift certificate to get my nails done. Isn't he the best?

- Matt and I plan on spending the night watching Valentine's Day (LOVE this movie and it is so appropriate for today), eating Hershey kisses and cuddling. Perfect.

happy (almost) valentine's day

I wonder if it's possible to have a love affair that lasts forever.

21 days later

I finally finished my yoga challenge!! Wednesday was my last day, and it felt so weird not to do a practice yesterday. I am proud of myself for accomplishing this and making it (barely sometimes) through the entire 21 days straight. I thought I was crazy when I signed up for this challenge but it helped me in more ways than I ever thought. Here's a little bit of what I learned during the last 21 days:

1. Breathing cures everything.
2. Strength comes not just from your body but also your mind.
3. Setting goals and then accomplishing them is the best feeling ever.
4. Taking time to exercise is so healing; body, mind, spirit, everything.
5. Yoga is the best work out. In just 21 days I feel more flexible and strong. I also think I worked every muscle in my body during each practice.
6. Sometimes it's nice to be alone, clear your mind completely and just be. No stress, no drama, just in the moment.
7. Exercising is always good for you, even if you may not want to do it at all.
8. The ends justify the means.
9. Loving your body is so important; your body is a temple, honor it.
10. Working hard is worth it.

I miss yoga already. I want to be in the place that I am when I practice yoga all day, every day. I can feel my body aching for my mat and the peace I find within it. I am free of everything when I do yoga - it's just me, my mat, my maker, and my time. When you have something like that, treasure it. An escape is what everyone needs in their life.

little interruptions

You know that feeling when you have a set plan and then you run into someone and that plan changes suddenly? I had not one but two of those incidences today, but in a good way.

Incident 1: I was in Squires heading up to my favorite place to study (and actually get things accomplished) when I ran into my best friend. It's not often that he and I are together alone - my "group" consists of the fabulous four (they hate that I use that title) who pretty much do everything together. I sat down next to him and we talked. We talked and talked until he had go to class...45 minutes later. We talking about people and life and the future and our families. We talked and listened, taking turns sharing our hopes and mostly fears. For two people so completely different, it was amazing how much we connected on our thoughts about life after Virginia Tech. I love that about people; how you can think you are different from someone and then find out that you actually connect on a level you didn't think was possible.

Incident 2: After he left, I went to grab some quick lunch and finally head up to my study corner. It was there that I ran into another good friend of mine, someone who I don't see very often but when we do get together we talk about anything and everything. Running into her is always a good point in my day, and today I got to chill with her until I went to class. We sat on the floor in Squires, talking and studying, sharing little details of our weeks. It was nice to have someone who I could talk to and study with at the same time. The thing I love about our relationship is that we aren't afraid to say anything to each other and that makes our time together so real - an excellent way to gear up for a three hour class.

Sometimes you have plans. Most of the time, those plans change. I didn't get as much work done as I had hoped but I spent time and connected with two friends - time I know was not wasted. So embrace the little interruptions in your day, they may just make your day worth while.

inspiration

 I'm taking a digital photography class this semester and our first big project is to pick two photographers and blend their styles to create our own concept for a photo shoot. I have a million ideas of what I want to do, all mainly inspired by one photographer - Carl Bengtsson. He is a Swedish photographer who does mainly editorial work, and his photographs are stunning. Each one is provocative, engaging and elegant; they capture such a beautiful moment in time. These are the pictures that I can't stop looking at:

Amazing.

days twelve - seventeen

Lately, my yoga challenge has not been going so well. I mean, my work outs are awesome but I have become so involved with school and trying to get all my work done that my challenge has been put on the back burner. And I absolutely hate that. The past few practices have felt rushed and insincere. I even found myself texting during one of the flows. UGH. Before, I would do jumping jacks and sit ups and push up to warm up but that has stopped. Now, I am doing the practices just to get them over with. Even the first thing I look at now when I open the email is how much time the video is. Terrible, so terrible.

I want to have time to do them with my whole heart and body; to get back to the place I was before in the beginning of the challenge. For me, yoga is more than an exercise - it's MY time. Time with God, time to focus on just me, time to relax, time to de-stress and forget, time to remember the place where I find my happiness. I am away from everything mentally. I want to get back to that place.

How do you define your priorities? I want to have time for everything in the day. Time for relaxing, exercising, and getting my work done. But lately, I've felt more obligated to do the homework for the next days than have the proper time for my yoga practices. Am I supposed to have late nights because I take an hour and a half for yoga? Am I procrastinating too much? Should I cut out time spent with my friends or boyfriend?

Needless to say, I have some things I need to work out. So that is my goal for these last couple practices - finding balance. Advice is welcomed.

days six - twelve

I cannot believe that I have completed day twelve of my yoga challenge - I feel like I've accomplished so much in a short amount of time. Honestly, I don't even think I want it end soon.

Days seven through ten were repeats of the beginning practices (which is why I haven't blogged much). I would've liked new practices but it was cool to see how much I've grown in these short two weeks. So, here are a few things I learned from the past six days:

- Day six hip opener practice was so good I bookmarked it. This flow was made to release tension from exercising, walking and sitting at a desk. I felt ah-mazing afterward.

- The challenge tip for day six was also incredible: "When you find yourself moving into a pose thinking, 'I can't possibly do this,' consider for a moment where you can find some joy. Wherever you are in your yoga process, however far forward you can fold or how straight (or not) you can extend your legs, explore where within the pose you can find a hint of happiness. It's there! Breathe into that space and see what happens."


- Sometimes it's fun to share yoga with people. Yoga doesn't always have to be serious and sometimes it's nice to have fun with the poses while still getting a work out.


- Core Focus is amazing. I recommend this as a morning or afternoon practice, especially if you have plans to eat a ton that day (always?) or if you have to wear a tight dress that night.


- Hurting your back sucks. Especially when the next practice is backbends.


- I accomplished crane pose. I could only hold it for about ten seconds but it's something and I'm proud of myself.


Only eight more days to go!!

disappointment

I have been waiting for a dress to come in the mail. It's adorable - one-shouldered, gorgeous little blue-green color with a ruffle that cascades from the shoulder down the side of the dress. I went out on a limb buying this dress. It is tight and usually I go for dresses with a fuller skirt, but it is for a wedding and I decided to try something new.

It's beautiful even as I pull it out of the shipping box in it's wrinkled, messy state. And I want to try it on immediately. I dash off to my room and quickly change into the dress; it's still cold from being outside. I'm praying that it fits, but when I zip it up and look in the mirror I am disappointed.

I look up and down at my reflection with absolute disgust. It doesn't fit, it just hangs on my body. The top of the dress sags where the missing shoulder is because I don't have the "equipment" to fill it properly. The length is awkward. The ruffle looks bad. It's see through. It hugs my body in all the wrong places. In fact, the dress looks so bad I want to rip it off and send it back right away.

I retreat back to my jeans, tie-dye and pullover but I am not comforted by the bagginess. It is only hiding my insecurities. I have been searching and searching for a dress to wear to this wedding and I thought I had found the perfect one. In my mind, I wanted to look drop-dead gorgeous, the girl that everyone looks at and thinks, "She looks good, I wish I could look like that." Stupid. When has pleasing other people become more important than making yourself happy?

I can't be satisfied with my clothes, my hair, my body unless someone else thinks that I look good. When I looked in that mirror all I saw was what a disappointment my body was - I can't fill out the dress, my legs look stumpy, my stomach is sticking out. The dress looked stunning on the model, why can't I look more like that?

I am so stuck in trying to be what society tells me to that I can't find my way back to what I want to believe. Here I am complaining about my body when God made me in His image. It's not supposed to be like this. God knit me in my mother's womb and loves me just the way I am, shouldn't that be enough?

days two through five

Yoga has been taking over my mind and body...and I'm only on day five. Though it's only been five days, I feel like I have been doing this challenge for forever, and my body is hating me for it. Only 16 more days to go! ....I really hope I can keep up with my energy and passion that I've (mostly) felt the past few days. Here are some things I learned from days 2, 3, 4, and 5:


- Day 2 was a morning practice, though, of course, I did not do it in the morning. It said to use this flow when you need energy so I did it one afternoon after my classes. I actually did feel a lot more energized - my body felt awakened, it was absolutely amazing. I even bookmarked it for future mornings in hopes I can make it part of a routine. Key lesson here: Even 15 minutes of focused, centralized exercise can make your mind and body feel a million times better.


- Day 3 was entitled: "Core Focus." Panic. My core has not had a good workout in a long time. I read the challenge tip for this one and really tried to incorporate it into my practice: "When it comes to core work, the slower you go, the greater the benefit." It was only a 20 minute video so I wanted to make the most of it. And my body has never shaken so much during a work out. Six pack here I come? I kept trying to think about the end result and concentrate on my body that I forgot to breathe and really work into the poses. Breathing is just as important, if not more, than holding the actual pose. Learned that the hard way.


- Day 4 centered around standing poses. I had high hopes for this one but I honestly didn't feel very challenged, which was disappointing. I hoped we would do more balances or poses I was unfamiliar with but it just wasn't that great. Plus, it was two guys in the video - creepy? Maybe just a bit...especially when they are more flexible than you. Biggest lesson learned: Sometimes, the practice isn't going to be the greatest one ever but you just need to make the best of it. One good thing that did come out of this day was that I decided to listen to a song before I began my flows to get my mind centered. Sometimes when I am meditating, even though I am trying my hardest, my mind will just wander so I tried putting on a song to help me focus. Best idea ever.


- Day 5: "Prepare for Splits." I've been dreading this one since I say it pop up in my inbox. I haven't done the splits since my senior year of high school so needless to say, I was afraid to begin this practice. And fear was definitely what kept me motivated. I didn't want to disappoint myself so I contorted and stretched and moved in ways I didn't think were humanly possible. Good Lord am I going to be hurting tomorrow. Note to any of you doing yoga - do not eat chicken parm for dinner then attempt any sort of yoga practice. Downward dog is no fun with a stomach full of pasta. 


My greatest lesson is this (from the day five challenge tip): "When working through a challenging posture, try to reframe your thinking from doing the pose (active) to receiving it (passive). Every pose contains information that your body understands. When you allow yourself to step back from the thinking mind, from effort and force, you create the conditions for your body to hear the information it needs."

craft time

Break from college = super craft time. This past winter break my sister and I decided to take old cabinets (courtesy of our neighbor's kitchen renovation) and turn them into adorable hangers! Here's how we did it:

Step 1: Acquire cabinet doors. We got lucky with our neighbor; if you aren't so lucky, I actually have no idea how to get old cabinet doors (sorry!) so be creative!

Step 2: Sand those suckers. With help from our awesome father and his awesome power sander it was easy. And we had way too much fun with this part.

My beautiful sister with power tools.

Dad and his girls.

Trying my hardest to be artsy.

Step 3: Paint. My favorite part! For our cabinets we chose three colors: one to on the front pane, one for the middle part, and a final for the outside. My colors? Sunbeam and fresh guacamole. Also, chalkboard paint for the front pane (I am so obsessed with this stuff!).

Make sure to paint the lightest color first, that way if you mess up it gets covered.

Step 4: Add some knobs or hooks so that you can hang things from the board. My favorite place to find knobs is Anthropologie or check out a local antique store. Home Depot or Lowes works too! Also, if you want a place to hold chalk, take a cabinet cup pull and attach it upside down! The chalk sits right in there and it looks adorable.

Step 5: Add something on the back to hang it. My dad likes to attach wire to it, put a nail in the wall and hang it from there - it holds really well, promise!

I plan on using mine to hang jewelry from but we have another one my roommates and I use for our car keys. Have fun being creative!!

Finished product - I am so in love.

friday night at the nest

day one

I just finished day one of my yoga challenge. And it was definitely a challenge.

All day I had been thinking about it - I felt that I had let myself down because I hadn't started yet. I hate that feeling. So, I decided tonight is the night. I took a long time gearing up for the adventure...taking my time putting on my work out clothes (new yoga pants!), loading the video, then rolling out my mat which I then proceeded to just stare at for a while. I feel a strange connection to this mat - I bought it when I first started yoga and it's been a part of my journey through it, the rough times and the best classes of my life. It keeps me grounded, centered, allows me to accomplish things I didn't know were possible. Looking at it made me wonder if I was ready for the sweat and concentration and trust. I still don't know if I am.

The video was rough. Really rough. I knew that I couldn't expect to be great at yoga again - it takes time to get back into the flexibility and strength...but I was dying. Today's video was titled "Fun Flow" and there was hardly anything fun about it. And that kills me. I love yoga so much even though it is hard on my mind and body but tonight I feel so disappointed in my performance. I know I did the best I could because I didn't want to push myself too hard. The problem is that I know how my body used to be and not being able to do that now bothers me. I just need to keep reminding myself that as the weeks go on I will improve. I WILL improve.

When the video was over, I did a couple of my favorite poses to help relieve my disappointment. And those felt really good. Then, I sat down on my mat in a meditative pose I adore and talked to God. Yoga has always been my special time with God - a time when I can praise Him and allow His power to help me move through the flows. I miss that. So I sat in silence praying until I ran out of things to think about. Having that time made up for my disappointment in the workout. I feel calm and relaxed and one with my maker and my body. I feel good. (Although, I think my body will not be feeling as good tomorrow.)

Yoga Challenge Day One Lesson:
Things might be hard but keep working no matter what; sometimes the ends justify the means.

first day of school

Tomorrow is the first day of the semester. Holy moly. Am I prepared? Uh, not really. Yes, I've printed my schedule and I have an idea of of my outfit and I have a vague idea of what I need to do tomorrow; BUT I am not ready for 7 a.m. or homework or generally anything having to do with Spring 2011 academic semester. My mind is not prepared for tomorrow. It feels tired just thinking about what this semester holds.

As I'm frantically trying to print syllabi and fill out forms and check my email (all at once of course), I look next to me at my calendar. On it is a light green sticky note with Philippians 4:13 printed on it (kind words from a loving sister when I was in need of them last semester). The words calm me as soon as my eyes scan over them: "I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."

I may not feel prepared for the first day of class but God is. And I have faith that I can do all of it (the stress, the late nights, the never ending reading assignments, the projects worth 50% of my grade) with His help. I don't have to have it all together all the time. It is because He is strong that I can find strength. I know that I cannot make it on my own will power but when I am feeling weak, God gives me the strength I need to keep moving forward. I have a feeling that I am going to need a lot of motivation to get through tomorrow. And I am 150% positive that I will succeed in the end because I have God's almighty power and unconditional love on my side.

Just remember: "I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."And you will find what you need to get you through anything.

updated

I feel like I haven't blogged in forever! (In reality it's only been 3 days, though my last post seemed like it was written yesterday.) Here is an update on my goals/what has been going on in my life/things I am really excited about:

First of all, I am heading back to school SO soon and I am seriously itching to be back in Blacksburg. I feel refreshed and ready to start this semester. Things I am looking forward to are: hanging out with my roommates and seeing the greatest boyfriend ever, taking my photography class (!!!!), spring in the burg (too soon?), and kicking this semester right in the hind parts!

Second, I have a major craft project going on in my basement. More details to come, but it is absolutely fabulous and I love it. Hint? It's made from an old cabinet door. You'll never guess!

Number three: the much anticipated haircut is tomorrow. And I need one something fierce.

And finally fourth, yoga challenge is...well...in progress (progress as defined very loosely). I have decided to postpone it until I get back to school because then I can make it part of my routine there (which will hopefully stick with me throughout the semester). Don't judge me. I PROMISE I will do this challenge and then blog about how much physical pain I'm in because my body can't bend like that anymore - I'm sure you are overwhelmed with excitement from this! I have been trying really really hard to eat better. Holiday cookies watch out!

Keep checking back for more updates on these exciting adventures!! For now, peace out!

operation get fit

As I lay here in my bed all I can think about is everything I ate today: french toast plus coffee that had way too much creamer in it (...and then another coffee at work), a ridiculous amount of pasta from Vapianos at 4:30 in the afternoon (is that considered lunch or dinner?), a Chinese concoction my sister made at the acceptable dinner time, and, finally, a huge ass cupcake. UGH. I seriously had a food baby all day long.

Despite my boyfriend's very sweet attempts to calm me down from the panic mode I was in all day, I have decided to let my paranoia of gaining 3985 pounds get the best of me and get fit again.

I thought my eating habits were bad at school, but then I come home for the holidays and I'm surrounded by turkey and mashed potatoes...and cookies...and pecan pie....and Christmas candy. Oh. Dear. Gosh. Yummy delicious holiday foods I will not let you get the best of me!

So here are my vows for a healthier, more fit Spring 2011 semester:

1. Eat good foods (and by this I mean healthier foods, not more cupcakes). The less sweets the better (ugh, so tough). Limit my intake of fatty foods. Stop freaking snacking all the time. Drink more water than I ever thought was possible in a day. Make better choices in the dining hall.

2. Do more yoga. I LOVE yoga. I am a serious yogi in the summer when I have time to go to classes and actually work out, but during the school year I slack hard core. I told myself last summer that I was going to get up every morning and do yoga...did that happen? Nope. When I get back to school, I WILL take my yoga mat out of my closet, pop in a yoga DVD, and work out at least three or four times a week (this will most likely be by force). Plus, I just signed myself up for a 21 day yoga challenge with Yoga Journal online. And it begins tomorrow. I am crazy.

That's as far as I got in my plans; it isn't much, but it's a start. And now it's in writing, so I feel a bit more obligated to actually do it. Updates on the yoga challenge to come (if it doesn't kill me first...which it just might).