days twelve - seventeen

Lately, my yoga challenge has not been going so well. I mean, my work outs are awesome but I have become so involved with school and trying to get all my work done that my challenge has been put on the back burner. And I absolutely hate that. The past few practices have felt rushed and insincere. I even found myself texting during one of the flows. UGH. Before, I would do jumping jacks and sit ups and push up to warm up but that has stopped. Now, I am doing the practices just to get them over with. Even the first thing I look at now when I open the email is how much time the video is. Terrible, so terrible.

I want to have time to do them with my whole heart and body; to get back to the place I was before in the beginning of the challenge. For me, yoga is more than an exercise - it's MY time. Time with God, time to focus on just me, time to relax, time to de-stress and forget, time to remember the place where I find my happiness. I am away from everything mentally. I want to get back to that place.

How do you define your priorities? I want to have time for everything in the day. Time for relaxing, exercising, and getting my work done. But lately, I've felt more obligated to do the homework for the next days than have the proper time for my yoga practices. Am I supposed to have late nights because I take an hour and a half for yoga? Am I procrastinating too much? Should I cut out time spent with my friends or boyfriend?

Needless to say, I have some things I need to work out. So that is my goal for these last couple practices - finding balance. Advice is welcomed.

days six - twelve

I cannot believe that I have completed day twelve of my yoga challenge - I feel like I've accomplished so much in a short amount of time. Honestly, I don't even think I want it end soon.

Days seven through ten were repeats of the beginning practices (which is why I haven't blogged much). I would've liked new practices but it was cool to see how much I've grown in these short two weeks. So, here are a few things I learned from the past six days:

- Day six hip opener practice was so good I bookmarked it. This flow was made to release tension from exercising, walking and sitting at a desk. I felt ah-mazing afterward.

- The challenge tip for day six was also incredible: "When you find yourself moving into a pose thinking, 'I can't possibly do this,' consider for a moment where you can find some joy. Wherever you are in your yoga process, however far forward you can fold or how straight (or not) you can extend your legs, explore where within the pose you can find a hint of happiness. It's there! Breathe into that space and see what happens."


- Sometimes it's fun to share yoga with people. Yoga doesn't always have to be serious and sometimes it's nice to have fun with the poses while still getting a work out.


- Core Focus is amazing. I recommend this as a morning or afternoon practice, especially if you have plans to eat a ton that day (always?) or if you have to wear a tight dress that night.


- Hurting your back sucks. Especially when the next practice is backbends.


- I accomplished crane pose. I could only hold it for about ten seconds but it's something and I'm proud of myself.


Only eight more days to go!!

disappointment

I have been waiting for a dress to come in the mail. It's adorable - one-shouldered, gorgeous little blue-green color with a ruffle that cascades from the shoulder down the side of the dress. I went out on a limb buying this dress. It is tight and usually I go for dresses with a fuller skirt, but it is for a wedding and I decided to try something new.

It's beautiful even as I pull it out of the shipping box in it's wrinkled, messy state. And I want to try it on immediately. I dash off to my room and quickly change into the dress; it's still cold from being outside. I'm praying that it fits, but when I zip it up and look in the mirror I am disappointed.

I look up and down at my reflection with absolute disgust. It doesn't fit, it just hangs on my body. The top of the dress sags where the missing shoulder is because I don't have the "equipment" to fill it properly. The length is awkward. The ruffle looks bad. It's see through. It hugs my body in all the wrong places. In fact, the dress looks so bad I want to rip it off and send it back right away.

I retreat back to my jeans, tie-dye and pullover but I am not comforted by the bagginess. It is only hiding my insecurities. I have been searching and searching for a dress to wear to this wedding and I thought I had found the perfect one. In my mind, I wanted to look drop-dead gorgeous, the girl that everyone looks at and thinks, "She looks good, I wish I could look like that." Stupid. When has pleasing other people become more important than making yourself happy?

I can't be satisfied with my clothes, my hair, my body unless someone else thinks that I look good. When I looked in that mirror all I saw was what a disappointment my body was - I can't fill out the dress, my legs look stumpy, my stomach is sticking out. The dress looked stunning on the model, why can't I look more like that?

I am so stuck in trying to be what society tells me to that I can't find my way back to what I want to believe. Here I am complaining about my body when God made me in His image. It's not supposed to be like this. God knit me in my mother's womb and loves me just the way I am, shouldn't that be enough?

days two through five

Yoga has been taking over my mind and body...and I'm only on day five. Though it's only been five days, I feel like I have been doing this challenge for forever, and my body is hating me for it. Only 16 more days to go! ....I really hope I can keep up with my energy and passion that I've (mostly) felt the past few days. Here are some things I learned from days 2, 3, 4, and 5:


- Day 2 was a morning practice, though, of course, I did not do it in the morning. It said to use this flow when you need energy so I did it one afternoon after my classes. I actually did feel a lot more energized - my body felt awakened, it was absolutely amazing. I even bookmarked it for future mornings in hopes I can make it part of a routine. Key lesson here: Even 15 minutes of focused, centralized exercise can make your mind and body feel a million times better.


- Day 3 was entitled: "Core Focus." Panic. My core has not had a good workout in a long time. I read the challenge tip for this one and really tried to incorporate it into my practice: "When it comes to core work, the slower you go, the greater the benefit." It was only a 20 minute video so I wanted to make the most of it. And my body has never shaken so much during a work out. Six pack here I come? I kept trying to think about the end result and concentrate on my body that I forgot to breathe and really work into the poses. Breathing is just as important, if not more, than holding the actual pose. Learned that the hard way.


- Day 4 centered around standing poses. I had high hopes for this one but I honestly didn't feel very challenged, which was disappointing. I hoped we would do more balances or poses I was unfamiliar with but it just wasn't that great. Plus, it was two guys in the video - creepy? Maybe just a bit...especially when they are more flexible than you. Biggest lesson learned: Sometimes, the practice isn't going to be the greatest one ever but you just need to make the best of it. One good thing that did come out of this day was that I decided to listen to a song before I began my flows to get my mind centered. Sometimes when I am meditating, even though I am trying my hardest, my mind will just wander so I tried putting on a song to help me focus. Best idea ever.


- Day 5: "Prepare for Splits." I've been dreading this one since I say it pop up in my inbox. I haven't done the splits since my senior year of high school so needless to say, I was afraid to begin this practice. And fear was definitely what kept me motivated. I didn't want to disappoint myself so I contorted and stretched and moved in ways I didn't think were humanly possible. Good Lord am I going to be hurting tomorrow. Note to any of you doing yoga - do not eat chicken parm for dinner then attempt any sort of yoga practice. Downward dog is no fun with a stomach full of pasta. 


My greatest lesson is this (from the day five challenge tip): "When working through a challenging posture, try to reframe your thinking from doing the pose (active) to receiving it (passive). Every pose contains information that your body understands. When you allow yourself to step back from the thinking mind, from effort and force, you create the conditions for your body to hear the information it needs."

craft time

Break from college = super craft time. This past winter break my sister and I decided to take old cabinets (courtesy of our neighbor's kitchen renovation) and turn them into adorable hangers! Here's how we did it:

Step 1: Acquire cabinet doors. We got lucky with our neighbor; if you aren't so lucky, I actually have no idea how to get old cabinet doors (sorry!) so be creative!

Step 2: Sand those suckers. With help from our awesome father and his awesome power sander it was easy. And we had way too much fun with this part.

My beautiful sister with power tools.

Dad and his girls.

Trying my hardest to be artsy.

Step 3: Paint. My favorite part! For our cabinets we chose three colors: one to on the front pane, one for the middle part, and a final for the outside. My colors? Sunbeam and fresh guacamole. Also, chalkboard paint for the front pane (I am so obsessed with this stuff!).

Make sure to paint the lightest color first, that way if you mess up it gets covered.

Step 4: Add some knobs or hooks so that you can hang things from the board. My favorite place to find knobs is Anthropologie or check out a local antique store. Home Depot or Lowes works too! Also, if you want a place to hold chalk, take a cabinet cup pull and attach it upside down! The chalk sits right in there and it looks adorable.

Step 5: Add something on the back to hang it. My dad likes to attach wire to it, put a nail in the wall and hang it from there - it holds really well, promise!

I plan on using mine to hang jewelry from but we have another one my roommates and I use for our car keys. Have fun being creative!!

Finished product - I am so in love.

friday night at the nest

day one

I just finished day one of my yoga challenge. And it was definitely a challenge.

All day I had been thinking about it - I felt that I had let myself down because I hadn't started yet. I hate that feeling. So, I decided tonight is the night. I took a long time gearing up for the adventure...taking my time putting on my work out clothes (new yoga pants!), loading the video, then rolling out my mat which I then proceeded to just stare at for a while. I feel a strange connection to this mat - I bought it when I first started yoga and it's been a part of my journey through it, the rough times and the best classes of my life. It keeps me grounded, centered, allows me to accomplish things I didn't know were possible. Looking at it made me wonder if I was ready for the sweat and concentration and trust. I still don't know if I am.

The video was rough. Really rough. I knew that I couldn't expect to be great at yoga again - it takes time to get back into the flexibility and strength...but I was dying. Today's video was titled "Fun Flow" and there was hardly anything fun about it. And that kills me. I love yoga so much even though it is hard on my mind and body but tonight I feel so disappointed in my performance. I know I did the best I could because I didn't want to push myself too hard. The problem is that I know how my body used to be and not being able to do that now bothers me. I just need to keep reminding myself that as the weeks go on I will improve. I WILL improve.

When the video was over, I did a couple of my favorite poses to help relieve my disappointment. And those felt really good. Then, I sat down on my mat in a meditative pose I adore and talked to God. Yoga has always been my special time with God - a time when I can praise Him and allow His power to help me move through the flows. I miss that. So I sat in silence praying until I ran out of things to think about. Having that time made up for my disappointment in the workout. I feel calm and relaxed and one with my maker and my body. I feel good. (Although, I think my body will not be feeling as good tomorrow.)

Yoga Challenge Day One Lesson:
Things might be hard but keep working no matter what; sometimes the ends justify the means.